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"At least you got pregnant" rant

"At least you got pregnant" is my new least favorite thing to hear. There aren't many people that knew we were pregnant as we were trying to wait til the second trimester, (we were a week shy) - but the small handful of friends and family that knew or were later told about our loss keep saying this - like it's supposed to be comforting.

I know it's a horrible situation and really, what can anyone say that makes it better, but continuing to say "at least you got pregnant" or something like that is just incredibly hurtful. I finally (after at least a dozen times) had to ask my friend not to say it and explain how while I know it was unintentional - it was hurtful. It's not a competition, or a sport- I'm not trying to compare our situation to anyone else's, and we are grateful for the first trimester we got to have with our baby girl, but that doesn't make it any easier, and it doesn't make me feel good to hear things like - 'well the first time doesn't count' (this was our first pregnancy), 'it's a warm up, next time things will be better'. Our baby died, that's just how it is- you wouldn't say when a family member passes 'at least you have another grandparent' or something like that- so please don't trivialize our loss. It's hard enough, just say you're sorry, or you're there for us if we need anything, or nothing.

My sister in law is trying to conceive (4 months in), which I know is very stressful - and I sincerely hope they conceive soon, but when she and her husband say this (as they have multiple times), it makes my husband and I feel guilty- they keep saying how much harder it is to not be pregnant and want to be - to which I want to scream NO, it's not harder. Not to diminish their struggle but we are going through hell, support us or stay quiet but don't make us feel guilty for getting pregnant.

We have also heard things like 'well now you can come to our wedding' 'at least it was early enough you weren't attached' (seriously you be pregnant for 11 weeks and not get attached), 'everything happens for a reason' (really what's the reason? Should that make us feel better?) and 'now you get more time to enjoy life before a baby ruins it with all that crying, etc.' - this was not an accident and was a much wanted pregnancy as anyone who really knows us, should know.

And then there's all the people that don't know and keep asking when we are going to have kids. Ugh.

Sorry for the rant just having a rough day. Hugs to all of you who are going through this. It's more painful than I could have ever imagined.

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