Advice?

I'm starting to have bad thoughts again dealing with my eating disorder and it's making me really anxious and I don't know how to make them go away, my thought process is telling me to stop eating but i know that's not the roght thing. I stepped on the scale which I shouldn't have done and instantly wished I could take it back. How much of this is actually because of the baby? Or am I actually eating too much. I'm trying to be healthy and eat for the baby. I didn't think it'd be this hard because I've always wanted to be a mom but I need help.