Why am I such a crazy jealous SO

I KNOW when I'm being irrational but I don't know how to rein it in. I can't control my emotions, and it messes everything up. I'm on new meds to stabilize my moods but they won't kick in for a month or so.

My SO cheated on me a year or so ago and now I don't like when he talks to any girls. It makes me SO uncomfortable and anxious.

(He came clean-I never would have known otherwise. It was a one night drunk hook up and begged for my forgiveness. So I forgave, but I can't forget and that's the issue I think.)

I used to not care if he talked to girls, I trusted him, he broke that trust. We still work on that now.

But he still talks to girls. And I have told him I don't like it, it drives me crazy because my mind goes to this dark place. Well I was just on his snapchat and saw his best friend is a girl on there. And now I'm upset and trying not to be but I can't stop. We fought so bad yesterday and I told him I can't do it, I can't be okay with him being close with girls because of that one time.

I've suggested counseling. But we're struggling to find a way to go, with our schedules.

WHY AM I SO FREAKING CRAZY. I just wanna go through his phone but that will make me feel worse. WHAT CAN I DO. I don't want to be crazy or controlling or tell him he can't have female friends but it makes me so upset and moody and it's not okay. Please help me..

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