I left my abusive husband 2 years ago after suffering for so long from mental and verbal abuse I somehow found the strength to leave and do better for me and my 2 children.... then I met the most amazing man. He swept me off my feet and made me believe in love again. He showed me a love I always dreamed of and yet never had... but that was very short lived. I moved to his hometown with him to get away from the aftermath of my ex husband and the divorce. As soon as I got here things changed so drastically but somehow even though I have been thru it before I didn't catch on right away. It's almost as If I was confiding in him about things I had been thru with my ex and it felt good to talk about it, he was so upset and couldn't believe how I was living like that. But I think in me tellin him what I had been thru he intern saw that these were things he could do too and I would tolerate them as I did with my ex. But his abuse was worse. It was more then what I had been thru. It became somewhat physical. But mostly mental and verbal but so much worse then my ex. I was told I couldn't get pregnant again due to some complications so we didn't use protection at all and 2 years later here I am with a unexpected bfp. That didn't change a thing. He can be so sweet and yet the smallest thing will set him off and I'm shaking in fear at that point. He can literally go from kissing my belly and rubbing it to telling me he wants to kill me within minutes. I knew this was not healthy and so unsafe for me and my kids but I have no way out. We live together and thru his abuse it has distanced me from my family and friends. I felt so alone and so helpless. I became so depressed and it's so hard trying to keep myself together and very a mom when ur head and heart are so hurt. The worst is being so alone he is always gone, and he has cheated before so the pain from his past cheating lingers and tortures me. When he leaves all I think about is who he is with and what he is doing...when he is here he is always on his phone and I tell him how I feel and it doesn't faze him. It's not important to me wether he is or not as much as the fact I feel this way and he does nothing to help me not feel like this. In a crazy way before I felt like I deserved him because I put up with this so far how dare he go with someone else... it has gotten to the point I wish he does go with someone else. Because I now see he is no prize. When he feels I have done something small to upset him something so petty he "punishes" me by not coming home and then acts like it's nothing and I deserved that. But that pain of being alone all night while he is put there doing him is the worst. And then I realized. WHAT THE FU*K ARE YOU DOING!!! why on earth are u living like this. Your not happy and u stay for what? To be abused and mistreated? I have kids and a baby in my belly and a heart inside that I need to focus on not this. I refuse to be the woman on tomorrow's newspaper that is found dead because of stupidity and weakness. So I made him leave today. I called the police and had him pack his stuff and leave so that he can't come back. I took out a restraining order to not only keep him away but me too. To prevent me from falling for his bullshit in a moment of weakness. This is day one. It will get harder for me. The anger will become hurt and that's the worst most vounerable part and I am keeping my faith in God. We can sleep safe tonight. I don't know where tomorrow is going to lead me. The road ahead is so scary because I am alone with nothing but I have these wonderful kids who keep me going and motivated and I will make it. I AM A SURVIVOR OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND NO LONGER A VICTIM. thank you for listening.