Hello

I thought I would give this a try to help me feel better.

At 16 weeks I started to have some more pinkish coloured mucus. By Thursday I saw my ob who wasn't concerned with it or my slight discomfort. By the next day the cramps increased. My ob didn't advise me on anything. Simple told the receptionist to tell me to go to the ER to manage the pain. That evening a large blood clot came out. We went to emerge and spent the entire night there. All the tests showed everything was fine. Sunday to monday the cramps started feeling like contractions. I was back at the hospital monday night and within the time I was admitted and druged for pain I delivered my 17 week old baby girl.

Part of my pain was the decision for my husband to stay home with our son and me leaving with my step mom. She happened to be visiting. We didn't even consider that this was going to happen. My husband never saw the baby. He never saw the pain I went through. He is heartbroken in such a different way.

I'm so upset about the lack of guidance or support from my ob who delivered my 2yr old son. Thankfully I ended up with an amazing ob at the hospital who I'll now stick with.

Previously to the miscarriage we had another one that didn't develop at 7 weeks and I had a D&C. Now this one. I'm terrified at the thought of trying again.

How am I suppose to heal past this and even consider being pregnant again? I was nearly half way and lost my baby girl. There are so many reminders of my loss. My body is fat, bleeding, producing milk, cramps tired etc. On top of it all I have two close family members pregnant at almost the same weeks I was. How am I suppose to even look at them.

I feel like garbage. I want to think positive and move forward but I'm so heartbroken.

Thank you for listening