Sex vs love *TMI*

I've been with guys sexually, but never been in a legit relationship with anyone Man or Women, only hookups with men but I've never fully enjoyed sex with guys honestly I'm always uncomfortable and tense, I hardly cum unless I'm touching myself then I do a lot & during sex I only Orgasim once it was when he was eating me out & rubbing n playing with my clit..

I always watch lesbian porn or read those erotic girl on girl stories & most the times I picture being with a girl when I masturbate, but the thing is its not just sexually.. I think about being with a woman everyday, I want a legit relationship with one.. but for me the dating world sucks ass...

I've tried the whole lesbian/bi online dating thing, it failed epicly no girl seemed to want to talk, get to know me, or even notice me so I gave up..

I can be socially awkward but worth knowing, I have passions & dreams and When I love someone it's with all my heart & soul.. I seem care about others way 2 much than I should.. I struggle with depression & anxiety I'm not perfect, I'm only human; that seems to scare people away.. & Apparently if I don't want just sex I'm not worth knowing.. It's really depressing that most people want just pure sex these days.. I get it sex is fun it feels good, hormones are intense, we all get horny but wouldn't it be better if instead of just fucking with lust, guilt, & regret; We could form way better connections & have an unforgettable experience called passion, romance, & real love.

I've never had sex with a woman before.. Not gonna lie I'd absolutely love too one day but not a one night stand or a quickie here & there.. I wouldn't want to just fuck her & leave like everyone else, I would make love to her everyday & always be there for her when she needs me the most.

"Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic in a fucked up hookup culture"..

Sorry I'm not sure where I was going with all this, I guess just needed to vent..

Feel free If anyone wants 2 your more than welcome to share any thoughts, opinions, or stories.

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