What should I do? Long story, so please hang with me...

Question

I've posted before giving a little background about how I became pregnant. It was a drink night with a guy in the navy I've hung out with a few times. It was never anything serious, and was never intended to be. Yes, it was totally irresponsible. I'm aware of that. I've owned up to my responsibilities and am going to do everything I can for my son. 
Okay, so I conceived in October. The last time I slept with the guy was the last time I've seen him/heard from him, which wasn't a problem for me AT ALL. I found out he had a girlfriend that he lied to me about having, and that's something I can never tolerate or respect someone for. Like, why be in a relationship at all of you're going to cheat?
Anyways, back to my point. After finding out I was pregnant, I was scared, of course. I moved back home with my parents. I texted him and told him I was pregnant by him, but he didn't respond. Called him the next day and left a voicemail. No response. Okay.
 Up until early February I had been contemplating getting an abortion, weighing the pros and cons. In the end I of course chose to keep my baby. I sent a text to the guy to let him know I was keeping the baby, that he was the father, asked if he wanted to meet up and talk about it, etc etc. He asked who is this, and I told him. No response after that. Okay. I understand it's alot to take in. I'll give him some space. I called him a week later. Immediately went to voicemail. Sent another text, called and called. No response. Repeat over the next few weeks. Never got a response. At this point it wasn't a big surprise to me. Looked him up on facebook, turns out he blocked me. Okay.
So two weeks ago I sent one final text to his phone. I'm upset, of course. I never had any special feelings for this guy, but I was thinking about how my son will probably never get to meet his father. That was the one thing that bothered me out of the whole ordeal. So in this last text I told him basically he could either step up and be a dad, or I can call his command center so he'll have to pay child support. I have tons of support from family and friends, plus I work alot, but even still, I don't make nearly enough take care of myself and a baby alone. I told him he had until July (my due date) to think about it, and I'll leave him alone until then.
Of course, I didn't get a response. A few days go by and one of my friends ended up searching for him on facebook. We go to his page and find out that his girlfriend (the one he cheated on with me) had just given birth to a baby boy in February. HIS first son.
I was hurt. Not for myself, but for my son. And for his girlfriend and newborn baby. I felt sick to my stomach. They looked so happy in their pics, and I just felt like I was stepping into territory I had no business being.
I don't want to be one of those women who purposefully tried to wreck happy homes. I'm not mean or spiteful, and I don't want to cause anyone hurt or misfortune. 
But at the same time it's like, well what about me and my baby? What'll happen when he grows up and want to know who and where his daddy is? I'm just so lost. I know alot of you on here probably can't relate, but if you were to put yourself in my shoes, what would you do?
Btw, I know I screwed up. BAD. I knew that 6 months ago. I made some stupid, terrible decisions and now have to make up for it. I KNOW. So I don't need any slut shaming or anyone looking down on me, please. Just a little bit of guidance if anyone can help. Thank you.

Answer

I honestly don't think you would be wrecking a happy home, he cheated on his girlfriend whom he just had a baby with... Sometimes these things need to come out in the open! It's not about you being spiteful or mean... she doesn't deserve being treated so poorly, and you don't deserve to be left to do this without any support from him! He should man up and take responsibility for what he did. He obviously knows what he's doing if he's deliberately ignoring your phone calls and texts, and then going out of his way to block you on Facebook. Maybe instead of going straight to his chain of command, you could work your way up? His friends? Maybe family? Or telling his girlfriend? Something needs to be worked out... What a pig for just leaving you in the dirt like that.

Answer

Honey you need to contact his chain of command. Like soon, let them know immediately you are willing to take a paternity test, give them the timeline of your repeated calls and attempts to get a hold of him, that you have directly told him what is happening and he has gone out of his way to avoid you and avoid his responsibilities. They do not tolerate lack of responsibility, he will be held accountable for his actions and made to pay child support. His family was wrecked the second he cheated on her, their family is unstable on these grounds, I would tell her, but that's just me.

Answer

Definitely contact the chain of command. At least get the child support that you need.

Answer

You are taking too much blame and feelings of guilt and stupidity. So what if you got drunk and had sex...a lot of people do that! Now you are going to have a son, that's wonderful. Maybe it isn't the way you planned it but who cares. Leave the guilt and shame in the past because you are giving him a life. As far as the father, what a piece of crap! I would contact him via a message on Facebook in July. Let him know that you plan on contacting his girlfriend, I would even include her name for good measure, after the baby is born. Be clear that you did not know he was seeing anyone and do not want to break up his family but he has a financial responsibility to his baby. If he doesn't want to be your son's dad, he wouldn't be a good one anyways. Raise him yourself and deal with the missing dad issue later. You have a good 5 years with him before he will even wonder and then just be honest and kind (to protect your son of course) about the dad being casual. He will be lived by you and your family and that's all he needs. Teach him to be the good man his father is not.

Answer

I'm sorry you're going through this I can only imagine what it feels like. I do think he should man up and be responsible. It's not like you have any feelings for this guy you just want him to take responsibility for his actions. Try talking to his family or friends and if things don't work out at least you know where to find him and put his ass on child support.

Answer

I'm sorry to hear this. 
And don't beat yourself up about how you get where you are today!
It's what you make of the situation that counts, and you kick ass sweet little lady.

As for the wrecking a happy house...how happy is it if he has been cheating (and the fact that he had to ask who you were when telling him you are pregnant tells me there where more girls)

I wouldn't contact his girlfriend though as she's quite vulnerable right now with a new born, but have a look to see if there's a sister, brother, mother of hers..they can maybe ease her into the news if you want her to know.

Do contact his command, as he has responsibility to your baby boy. He is obviously trying to ignore the situation.

Good luck.

Answer

Wish we would private message, i can relate. My sons biological father wasnt really one to play 'house'. He was in and out not very stable so eventually walked away i believed that if he meant that much to him he would make the effort. Unfortunately i was wrong he just made no contact after i stopped pushing him and making it far to easy to see him (i would drive to his all the time give him money he would call for me to do favours etc no child related ) so when i stopped that he stopped all forms of contact its been 2 years and counting (that includes the whole of his family aswell). Ive heard he has married taken on other children and had another little boy. I dont want his money he has never provided for us he used to laugh in my face when i mentioned him paying. I know my son is much better without him. He has the best step father anyone could ask for who loves him and works hard to provide for us all and he also has a step sister and a whole step family who love him. We have a stable happy home where we live our lives happy. If you need someone to talk to im happy to i know its hard but it does get better. Xx

Answer

Sweetheart he needs to step up. And his girlfriend needs to know. If he wants to ignore you then so be it. She won't. Send her a message on Facebook. Include a pic of your baby bump so she sees you're serious and not joking. You can contact his command center and commanding officer. My family is military and I know they have a code of conduct they have to live by. Him ignoring you and not wanting to take responsibility for his child goes against it. He chose to screw up his "family" the second he jumped into bed with you. Sounds like if you had known you wouldn't have slept with him. That makes you a good person. He needs to step up and be a man about it. Do what you've gotta do for you and your little bundle of joy.

Answer

First off thank you for choosing life for your baby. Secondly- it definitely takes 2 to tango so he is responsible for actions as well-  now he may decide not to be a part of this babys life- shame on him- but I would Atleast force him to recognize it thru child support payments.

Answer

He needs to own up to his end of the pregnancy. While you admit that you made bad choices...you weren't the only one. He made equally poor choices(if not worse because he was a cheater). You shouldn't feel bad about ruining his new family, that is his doing.
I don't think he will step up and be a father to your child, which is fine...you sound better off without him.
BUT he does still have a financial obligation to help care for the child. And if you can't get in contact with him then talk to his command center, take him to court.
Do what you have to do to make sure your child is taken care of!
And above all else forgive yourself for the mistake you made. We all mess up; but look what a wonderful blessing you are getting from it!

What should I do? Long story, so please hang with me...

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