Missing the ex...(this is pretty long sorry)

So my ex were in kind of a whirlwind romance that lasted 5 months (turns out he was very manipulative and verbally/emotionally abusive) and I loved him so, so much; but I had to break up with him because he was hurting me so badly... I found myself wishing earlier today that he actually had physically hurt me rather than all the emotional abuse because it would be something tangible for me to look at and it would make it easier to deal with. It was my first real serious relationship and even though in the middle it wasn't great, I still loved him, and making love still felt great. And now that he's out of my life there's this giant ass hole where he was and I'm honestly having a really hard time functioning without him??? Like I was fairly horny earlier and I started to masturbate but I just had to stop because it just felt horrible, and now the only thing I want is someone to hold me and tell me everything's okay. But it's not. And I'm having a really hard time with everything. Sorry to put such depressing stuff out here on my first post, but I just feel like it might help me a little to get some things out there.