Special needs parents 😊

My son is four and autistic. Some days his meltdowns are so bad, I can't help but to scream which I know doesn't help at all but I forget to breathe and count (working on it). Anyway my question is, anyone here a special needs parent and also pregnant/already given birth? I just want to know has it gotten harder or easier, and what did you do to show your special needs baby that you love them but that time will be shared now? I feel so guilty.