I Had a Crush on My Boyfriend's Best Friend

But as he started to infiltrate my dreams and thoughts more frequently, I became obsessed with him. I'm still ashamed about this, because there was never much interaction between either of us for something like this to happen. But whatever interactions we did have made me feel like I had fallen under his spell. 

Unlike my boyfriend, this guy spoke my love language (words of affirmation) so artfully. He called me beautiful (in front of my boyfriend, oddly enough), he stood up for me whenever my boyfriend didn't do certain things for me and he joked around with me that I should promise to beat him up if he doesn't shape up. This guy was crazy and crass. But at the same time, so charming and energetic. I could just sit there and listen to him babble on for hours.

At first, this new crush was exciting. My relationship with my boyfriend was reaching a point where the commitment was deepening and where the level of passion began to stabilize. I wasn't ready to let go of that intoxicating infatuation that I felt in the first few weeks. So it was nice to get that feeling somewhere else.

But as with all things, the feeling began to wear down. But the lust I felt for this guy didn't. There was no way that I actually wanted a relationship with him. He's too unstable, mean-spirited and vulgar for me. Sure, he has a superficial charm. But he's a complete jerk once he gets comfortable with someone. Because I'm a sensitive person, I know he'd be abusive to me. But it's because of all those volatile qualities he possesses that I felt myself lusting for him like crazy. He had seduced my mind so much that I felt that if I had somehow gotten my own boyfriend to cheat, I would be able to justify a one-night-stand with this guy.

Of course I felt terrible and conflicted with all this. The only thing that kept this crush going was the insane lust I felt for him and the exciting prospect of having a forbidden crush that only I knew about. But as I continued to entertain this crush in my head, my passion for my own boyfriend began to dwindle. 

I was wise enough to avoid interacting with him. I didn't friend him on Facebook, I didn't ask for his number (because apparently some girlfriends get their boyfriend's friends phone numbers, I guess?) and whenever I saw him in person, I didn't look at him much or initiate conversations with him. I still Facebook-stalked him occasionally, but that's where it ended. I didn't even ask my boyfriend about him. And when he talked about him, I tried to move on from that topic ASAP. I knew that for my relationship to thrive, I had to forget this guy.

But as time passed, I didn't forget him. I see this guy in person like 3 or 4 times a year. Why was I so obsessed with him? I knew this wasn't healthy or normal anymore, so I decided to seek help at this point.

I started by Googling some answers. Since this is a fairly common sensation, it was easy to find other girls asking the same question on Yahoo Answers and other forums. There is one thing I gathered from my searches: if I was attracted to my boyfriend's best friend, it's because he possesses something that my boyfriend lacks. And because a dynamic like that can turn really ugly really fast, I had to end the relationship and cut them both out of my life before anything serious happens. Obviously, if I was looking for something I needed in my boyfriend from someone else, then the love is already gone...

But that wasn't necessarily true. I still cared a lot about my boyfriend. And I still felt like we were compatible. So I decided to wait a little bit before doing anything drastic. I was working on a very important project at the time. Since I had to devote 100% of my focus on this project to yield the best result, I decided to put the relationship on the back burner for the time being. I didn't have the time or energy to deal with all the strong feelings of a breakup. And if I was really honest with myself, my gut feeling told me that there was no need to break up in the first place! Since my boyfriend is a very private person and he works a lot, it was easy to find time to myself.

I had decided to take a well-needed two-week retreat from my project so that I could come back to it with more dedication instead of half-assing the final half of it. During that time, I decided to binge-watch a series. One of my friends had recommended it to me and I became interested in it. Now, when I get invested in a story, nothing else seems to matter. So my crush on this guy was light years away from my mind when I was too busy wondering what would happen next in the series.

As it turned out, this series had reminded me a lot of my boyfriend. So every time I sat down to watch it, I had that fuzzy feeling inside because I thought of him every moment.

Once I had finished that first series, I still had time to binge-watch another. I had decided to finish watching this one series that I began watching a long time ago. But because it had been a while, I had just watched it from the beginning just to make sure I didn't miss anything. And of course, it was a show that I was watching when I first met my boyfriend. Along with listening to some music that reminded me of him, I was completely engulfed in thoughts of him and only him.

It's amazing that my solution to this problem had come without me even looking for it. It had caught me completely by surprise. And somehow, that made it sweeter.

The spell that his best friend had somehow put on me has been broken for a while. I've had a couple of dreams about his best friend since then. But when I wake up, the feeling isn't there anymore. I guess it's just my brain trying to clear out what no longer serves me. And when I really think about it, it feels like all of it, this whole crazy year of having a forbidden desire was just a dream itself.

What makes my boyfriend so special is the ability he has to ground me. There have been a lot of times when I get a little sidetracked and caught up in strong feelings. But he always brings me out of it and shows me what's real somehow.

I guess sometimes he seems boring. He's not flirtatious. He's not terribly passionate. He can even be downright cold. He's a bit of a downer sometimes when I'm just trying to have fun. He's a repressed guy from strict Christian family. 

But he's hardworking. He's honest. (Brutally, sometimes.) He's demonstrated a loyalty and commitment to me that I don't really feel I deserve. He pays attention to details. He looks out for me. And sometimes he has the capacity to be gentle and sensitive. 

Why would I give up on a guy who remembers to bring chocolate cake for my brother and beer for my mother when he comes to my house? Why would I give up on a guy who doesn't give me vanity gifts like flowers or makeup, but gives me things that he notices that I need? Why would I give up on a guy who fixes my car when it craps out or fixes something in my house whenever it's broken? Why would I give up on a guy who has already started thinking about our future together?

Maybe he doesn't speak to me in my love language. And maybe it's my responsibility to bring that up to him. But he has done more than TELL me how much he cares for me. He has gone out of his way to SHOW it.

If you have read this all the way through, thank you for listening. It feels good to finally talk about it. I think I can now start to work towards real closure so I can put that episode of my life behind me.