Hate myself!

I ended up pregnant, and god I was excited, I mean a mini me? But then all the math came into it, getting my own place, not having  job, because it was only temporary, I couldn't expect my SO to work his ass off all the time, so after a long drawn out talk, we decided it was the right thing to do by having an abortion, I always want what is best for a mini me, and right now I was not able to give that, it hurts, and I really hate myself, it's been almost 2weeks since I had to take the tablets, I was 9weeks4days, I just keep thinking of all the what ifs, my depression and anxiety have got worse, my so has been amazing and so supportive, but I just can't stop hating myself for having to make that decision.