I hate my self, emotional drained from it

I hate the way I look, and I hate my weight. I'm not overly large but I'm not stick skinny either, now days everyone is posting the perfect body and I just feel FAT. Today I got a message of someone I fell out with a while ago saying ' I saw the fat version of you today' I said what was they wearing and he described and it was me... I used to be comfortable with my body, but not no more. For the past few years I've just hated my self, I look in the mirror and cry. I've got to the point where I want to stop eating all together and spend all money on my face to make it beautiful.. I know I can do something about it and I do now, but I feel like no matter what weight I get to I'll always think I'm fat. It breaks my heart every day, I cry every day wishing I was someone different... I'm worrying my self because turning to drugs or stopping eating is not the right way and I'm more wise, I just feel like I'm going to let it effect me for ever. Nothing else effects me like this. I don't know what to do