Selfish or no??

Question

I have been with my husband 4 years, 2 of it married. We both have a child from a previous relationship. We never get to see his son and he acts like he doesn't even care to try to see him. My husband and I get along but with my daughter and him its awkward. Her biological father isn't in the picture(2 years now) so I figured the two of them would bond over time. After 4 years together the two still have no bond, she is 5 with no other father figure yet still no bond. They don't play, hug, or even talk to another. I love him but I'm starting to feel bad that my daughter doesn't have a fatherly relationship. We have tried therapy and family nights and after a year of that still nothing. He even said if something happened to me he wouldn't take care of her, that she is just part of being with me. Am I being selfish? What should I do?

Answer

At first I would say a bond would form but him saying if something happened to you, he wouldn't take care of her? His stepdaughter with no bio dad? Sounds like a selfish asshole!!!

Answer

You're not being selfish. He's being weird about it.

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I don't think you're selfish at all- if I were with a man that didn't love my son, I'd be OUT. My god, even the thought of what would happen to the kid if something happened to you is terrifying. Your baby is #1 one and always should be. That's a total deal breaker for me.

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I wouldn't have married him if he never interacted with my child, let alone HIS OWN child. You're not selfish, but you weren't right either. Both of you are in the wrong.

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If he loves you then he can love her. She is the best part of you.

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Children can sense things in people....just something to think about. I'm not assuming he's bad at all but it's very odd.

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If someone in the situation is being labeled "selfish," I would put that squarely on your husband.   If he didn't want to be a father, he shouldn't have pursued something serious with you.  That little girl needs and deserves a father and if he wasn't (isn't) willing to be that for her, then he shouldn't be your husband.

Answer

Sorry but not sorry. If your husband said if something happened to you that he wouldn't take care of her that is seriously fucked up and you should break it off. He doesn't give two shits it sounds like when it comes to children. And not attempting to bond with his own kid? Ya say goodbye sweetie plenty of other GOOD men in the sea that would actually try

Answer

Why wouldn't you guys get these things figured out befor marriage? Not trying to be a dick I'm just saying he sounds like he doesn't care my boyfriend (we've been together for 2 years) treats all my kids the same like they were his own (I came into the relationship with 3 children he didn't have any) I could see if you guys just started dating but your married and have been together for awhile it's sad but doesn't really sound like it'll ever change or he doesn't care to change

Answer

Sounds like he doesn't like kids, and eventually that's going to hurt your relationship. I agree, it's something you should have figured out before marriage. My aunt married a man with three kids, yet even as a child myself (I was about 8 when they got married) I could tell he didn't like kids. Eventually they had 4, and the last has some physical/developmental issues. When he realized that she would always need some form of care  he started treating his family like crap, so my aunt would leave him. He didn't  want to be the one to leave, but he pushed her out. Kids can tell, but it takes adults a little longer. And it obviously is now that you're realizing it.  Time to make a change.

Selfish or no??

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