I had my first love a few years ago. We dated a very long time and broke up a few months ago. I broke up with him, not due to lack of love, but so many problems. He had a lot of issues with himself which caused huge fights and I got a bit tired and thought he'd never forgive me. He started to be reckless and experiment with drugs and even got another girlfriend. He fought with me, saying I did not care for him. We were still terribly in love and would kiss on occasion following a pool of emotions. One night he called and asked what I was doing and went a little crazy. I told him to go to bed, and we would resolve it the following week, we would hang out and make him happy since he said he no longer felt anything. He committed suicide that night and I found out that I was the only person he talked to that night. I miss him so much and can't help feeling guilty. I just want him back, and I don't know what to do. At his funeral all I wanted to do was kiss him again. His parents won't talk to me, and they have talked to all of our friends. I feel they blame me as well.