Should He Tell?

Question

We just lost our second child. I was 10 weeks pregnant.  Husband said he sees no reason to tell his parents and I feel angry/hurt.  This happened a week ago, so maybe it is just still a fresh wound with me. What do you think?  Should he tell?

Answer

If you're hurt by his silence, there's a reason for that. You don't have to answer this question for us, but you should think about why you want them to know. Do you want their support? Would you like to talk about your anger/disappointment/sadness with them? Or do you want them to know so that you can tell them you need space for a while to get them out of your face?

Whatever the reason, your feelings are valid and real, and if you think it would be helpful to share what happened, you should. You could even tell them yourself, if your SO is uncomfortable or doesn't know what to say.

You need to do what's best for you right now. Be considerate of your SO, of course, but you're in a fragile state, and whatever you need, you should have.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Answer

I miscarried in February, his sister, mom and other family doesn't even know we were pregnant. I was 8 weeks when I miscarried. I know it's hard, you want people to know you're in pain but sometimes it's better not to tell a lot of people. Good luck. Hugs to you

Answer

It really depends. When we fell pregnant, we told the world. When we miscarried, we also told the world. My friend and her husband, however, has had two losses after eah other and no one knows, except us. And I can see how both of them suffer. Not even their parents know. So its really up to you and hubby. Good luck. And I' so sorry for your loss.

Answer

Sorry for your loss we miscarried in Dec and i wanted to tell his mom but my fiance didnt i kept insisting then kind of stopped one day me my fiance and his mom were talking and i just told her big mistake on my part because i wanted their support but all i got was your lucky it wasnt further in bc it would be worse like if loosing him wasnt bad enough i just got angry n just wanted to smack her honestly. Our relationship isint great anymore for other reasons but now i no not to tell but if you need or want support i think you should find it the way you feel is best everyone grieves diffrently. hugs

Answer

It depends on if you are comfortable with them knowing or not. If it was my fiancé's parents, I'd say absolutely no way. They don't know how to keep their mouth shut about anything. When we told them I was pregnant last year, we specifically asked for them not to tell anybody because I was only 6 weeks at the time and my family has a long history of miscarriages. But low and behold, less than an hour after we tell them, I got 5-7 friend requests suddenly from their side of the family. And to make matters worse, I lost the baby at 10 weeks. So everybody knew. Nobody else in their family had ever lost a baby at that point. No aunts, grandmothers, anybody. And they made a point of telling me that too. It was terribly embarrassing. Made me feel even worse. But I am okay with it now, because a couple months later, one of his aunts lost her baby and I was glad that she felt she could come to me. She didn't feel like anybody else could help her because none of them ever experienced it. Idk. I just don't like telling his parents anything.

Answer

It's such a personal choice.  We lost our first at 11 weeks and had told my parents and a few friends, but most people didn't know.  My husband's parents didn't know we were pregnant - but he did tell them about the mc.  It was too hard for my family to know and his family not to.  The second mc (back to back) was at 5 weeks, no one knew we were pregnant, and we had to tell my parents as I wound up in the hospital and needed them to take our dog - so we again told his parents - but I almost wish we hadn't told anyone as now I feel a lot more pressure about what's going on and what our families are thinking and expecting as it would be the first grandchild on both sides.  No matter what you chose make sure to take care of yourself, and your SO.  You're not alone, so sorry for your loss.

Answer

If they knew you were pregnant I'd definitely tell them now or they'll continue thinking you are and making innocent comments that will end up hurting you. If they didn't know there's no need to tell them right now unless you want to or feel it'll help you heal

Answer

It depends on how private you guys are and how close you are to his parents..

Should He Tell?

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