Too possessive ?

Question

My so wants to go to Mexico to build houses for a charity with his dad, however I feel uncomfortable him going without me, but I can't go with him atm. I feel like his dad (who is going with him) wants his son (my so) to not get "tied down" so quickly. This makes me feel he may encourage him to cheat or whatever while he's in the other country. Also my so idolizes his dad alot so it worries me that he'll get influenced. Also, his dad has a big history of cheating on women. What should I do?

Answer

I think it's great he sees his dad that way. And I think it's great of them to do that! What a great charity.  I think you should see the bigger picture and if you're that insecure maybe you're not in the right relationship.. Sorry.

Answer

You need to address these concerns but overall you need to trust your SO.

Answer

You need to talk to him about your concerns! Don't let this eat you up inside, let your SO know exactly how you feel about him going so you two can have a serious talk.

Answer

I think you should let him go. The answer to your fears about your SO is not to try to control him or prevent circumstances. You want to be with someone who freely makes decisions that you can understand and respect. I'd communicate with him your worries and feelings about cheating and that they are a deal breaker for you (if they are), and also that you intend to be monogamous while he's gone. Then he has the ability to choose a path that aligns with your needs or not. Trust, independence, freedom, and communication often allow people to value their SO even more and keep them true even though it feels counterintuitive.

Answer

You have no option but to be (relatively) honest with him and yourself.  And to trust him.  Tell him that you think building homes for charity is remarkable and commendable (which it is), and that you respect him for doing it. Tell him that you trust him (which I hope you do) and that you know there are influences and temptations, but that you love him, admire him, trust him, and respect him and you'll be here when he returns. In my experience trying to express concern about parental influence, no matter how it's done, backfires.  But men love being told that they are valued and trusted. Tell him you'd like to Skype or facetime when possible. Make him a package with sealed envelopes with a mixture of sweet notes, naughty notes (if you're game for that), pictures of you and him, pictures of you, pictures of him (and or you) with friends, jokes, stuff you are doing. Put a couple word puzzles in. Etc. Label each one day one, day two, day three, etc, or as many as you can or want to do. That way little things will be a sweet not overly possessive or time demanding of him, but gentle reminders of you. Worked for me and my boo. Or a simple necklace on a string with a jade circle pendant or whatnot. Little things like that help keep his mind on you but don't telegraph that you don't trust him.

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If it's going to happen, let it happen and then you'll know. Keeping him under a watchful eye and always being stressed about it is not worth it. Let him go, and see what happens.

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You should let him go because if hes gonna cheat its not gonna matter where hes at. If he really loves you he wont even if his dad tries to encourage him.

Answer

You should let him go if you don't trust him enough to let him go with his dad to do this then maybe he's not the right one ? If he truly loves you then he won't even think of cheating while gone now matter who he's with

Too possessive ?

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