I'm not one to post anything on any website, but I feel the need to share my story somewhere to help myself recover from a mildly traumatic birthing experience.

My beautiful daughter was due April 17, 2016. At 37 weeks, I was ready to go. I know, at this point most pregnant women are ready to meet their babies! I had been feeling her strong kicks, tumbles, and bladder punches for 9 months and I was ready to see her face.

After a few weeks, my due date comes....and goes. Coming up on week 41, I felt a little desperate to give birth. Although my pregnancy was a breeze, other than terrible acid reflux, I was becoming impatient! I tried everything around week 41. Ice cream, sex, castor oil, tea, etc. At 41 weeks +1 I tentatively scheduled an induction. When I arrived at the midwifery, we did the non-stress test, and the midwife let us know that another midwife was waiting at the hospital if I wanted to go ahead with the induction. We made the decision to go ahead and get induced on April 25th, 2016.

At the time that I got induced, I was wondering if I should have waited til 42 weeks, just to see if she would budge on her own. I had heard mixed stories about getting induced, and I thought it would be ok, that I would be pushing her out by the next day. I was fine with that.

Of course, my birth plan was that I go without any pain meds, have a water birth, and lay in a bed of flowers with unicorns and rainbows surrounding me. Although I wanted a magical birth experience, I was prepared for any plan changes. I've done a bit of travel and that will teach you that plans never go as planned. I digress...

Here I am, the morning of 4/25, getting pitocin so I could dilate enough for them to insert a Foley bulb. I went in 1 cm. dilated. Soon after starting pitocin, they insert the bulb. Here i am getting this pitocin, bulb in cervix, no pain meds. It's all pretty uncomfortable, but I can handle it. I was hoping for labor to take over and I could resume with my natural birth plan. After all day with this bulb and pitocin, sitting on a birthing ball and multiple trips to the bathroom, they were turning up the pitocin to 8 by the evening. This is when I started to lose it. I asked for the epidural.

Once I asked for the epidural, I threw any plans and expectations out the window. Once I got the epidural, I was wholly relieved. It really did help. I finally dilated enough for the Foley bulb to come out, 4 cm. Soon after, my water broke. Now we are getting into late evening 4/25. Since my water broke, I think the medical staff felt pressure to get me dilated sooner. They turned up the pitocin and had me lay ALL NIGHT with that stupid peanut birthing ball between my legs.

I got a few hours of sleep early morning 4/26, and much of 4/26 started to blur together. I wasn't dilating fast enough. By the afternoon of 4/26, I started running a fever. Because they were worried I had an infection, they started me on antibiotics. By this point, I was continously shaking uncontrollably, running a fever, in serious back labor, and starting to become truly scared.

Finally, the midwives came into the room to talk C-section. I did not want a CS, but I wanted more for baby and me to come out of this alive and healthy. Because of the suspected Chorio infection, and the fact that my daughter was facing forward (hence the painful back labor towards the end) with an increasing heart rate, we went ahead with the CS. Everyone assured me that the surgeon on call was the best one and everything would be ok.

Great ok....while we are waiting for them to prepare the operating room, my pain was becoming severe and the epidural wasn't working so well. I felt like I was in a continuous contraction. They gave me more pain meds through my IV, and soon after, wheeled me into the operating room.

I felt sort of delirious and dream like this whole time, and I know my partner was much more afraid than I. I remember talking to the anesthesiologist about Bolivia while they were preparing me. Next, the started cutting. I felt all of that pressure, but not much pain. Some pain started, they turned up the drugs. After a few minutes, the surgeon says, "You both are now parents!" And Margaret starts crying. We feel the overwhelming sense of relief that comes with that first cry. That is the best cry any parent hears.

She is healthy, and they close me up. It was a little weird when they were closing me up because the surgeon was training someone. I could tell that the trainee tied a regular knot in something, and the head surgeon was telling her to use a slipknot next time. I could feel the surgeon trying to get this knot out...I don't really know what all that was about, but they assured me everything was going great.

They closed me up, and I met my partner and baby in the recovery room. The midwives came in and made sure I breastfed immediately. Since Margaret was good and showing no signs of infection they weren't in a huge rush to get her to the nursery. After sitting in the recovery room for a couple hours, they took her to the nursery and me to the Mom/baby room.

The next couple of days Margaret and I had to be treated with antibiotics, but she was able to be with my partner and me. Recovering from the CS has really sucked, and being the hypochondriac that I am, I worry everyday about my uterus and future fertility.

I know I'm extremely thankful I'm laying here on the couch with my perfect daughter. Sometimes I feel guilty for being induced. Sometimes I feel like a failure for having to get a CS. Sometimes I feel like the CS is my fault. But mostly, I'm thankful we are here and modern medicine helped us get here.