So.. I feel like a big baby because I'm bawling my eyes out right now.. And I probably shouldn't be..

But to rewind ,

Last night my SO went out with some friends to a bar for a friends 21st birthday to play some pool and then he ended up staying the night at the guys house so he wasn't driving under the influence back home. Which I totally get and I'm glad he had a good time , but that's not the problem. Well this morning on his way back I asked him to stop at Walmart to get me an exercise ball, something that could maybe help me induce labor naturally . He did, and let me tell you its the most amazing thing. It got SO much pressure off my back just sitting on it. And I've been telling him that all day .

Well, he just got home from work and when he got out of the shower I asked him to spend the entire night just me and him. He usually spends an hour (..or less) with me and then he jumps to play video games for the rest of the night. Until about 4 in the morning.

Well I guess I struck a nerve asking for him to spend the entire night with just me because he got upset, and said "this is gonna make me not wanna spend the night with my friends again."

And that of course upset me because to me, that just sounds like hes basically pulling his legs off when it comes to being alone with me. So I tried to walk out, but before I left he was like "no, no no . I wanna spend time with you." But he only said that knowing I was upset.

So instead of getting in bed , I sat on the ball to relieve some pressure off my back.

Then he literally started counting down from 10 for me to get off and get in bed.

Once he hit one, he asked me "are you getting on the bed?" And I said no.

So he pulled out his knife and stabbed the ball.

It scared me pretty bad honestly and I just had to get out of the room because I knew I was gonna break down crying.. Now I just don't know what to do.

I'm literally sitting in the downstairs bathroom floor with the door locked so I'm alone.. This isn't the first time I've struggled with getting him to spend time with me either..