Lately I've been thinking so much about my grandma who passed away in 2014. She was my backbone she was the light of the family and the most beautiful human being on this earth. I loved her more than my life. I'm now 6 months pregnant and can't stop thinking about how she won't be here to see my baby boy. I'm so heartbroken. I am so extremely blessed to still have my grandpa who is 105 and he is also a huge part of my life. Without him I would go crazy and this family would completely fall apart. But without my grandmother here life is so different . right now I'm in our room crying my eyes out because I wasn't able to go visit my grandpa and my grandma has been on my mind so much lately. We live with our in laws and they had decided a couple days ago to make a cookout and invite some family. Its been 3 hours since everyone got here and I feel so bad because i havent been able to get myself together and be with everyone. My husband suggested I go get me some Starbucks to get my mind off things and come back and enjoy the day with his family but that didn't work. I didn't drink even half of my drink and I ended up back in the room crying and thinking about my grandparents. I'm so sad but I feel like a horrible person for not being with his family outside but it's so hard for me to get myself together dress up a bit and enjoy today.