Long distance...

So my bf lives extremely far from me (he lives in the middle of the country I live on a side) we fight and argue a lot and I've cheated on him a lot but he doesn't know and I don't wanna tell him chase I don't wanna break his heart and I don't want to really loose him ig. We both have hope that we'll meet but idk 🙃😤😔. I don't know what to do so any help??