Melancholy

So there I am thinking I'm over it. No big deal, I wasn't sure about having a baby anyways. It has been over a month since my miscarriage, and I am better. My period came and went and I have plans. I'm trying again a few years from now, when I'm better off financially.. but we were watching baby mamma when I mentioned to the hubs about how big did he think I would be. Then it hit me, I would be bigger maybe, my family would be excited and I would be awaiting him or her.. omg I started tearing up and mourning once again. When will I be over it? I hate logging to fb and seeing all these preggo girls and realizing mine won't be here next year, but maybe in a couple more. I want a kid, I dont, and I don't even know how I should feel anymore. I knew something could go wrong and tried not to get attached, but I did... sorry just need to let it out..