Throwing up

If I'm not pregnant, I'm still waiting for my period, and I'm not throwing up because I'm pregnant then I know that means my bowel disease is getting worse and that scares the shit out of me. I put on such a brave face but I'm terrified. My CT shows inflammation in my ileum but they haven't done an endoscopy or anything for a biopsy so I'm undiagnosed and therefore improperly treated. I know it's going to have to get really bad before they will spend all that money on tests (I'm in Canada) but I don't want it to get so bad I need a resection. Why don't I let anyone in? Why do I hide this from my friends and family? They know I'm sick, they know I'm throwing up but I haven't told them how terrified I am. How a BFN doesn't just mean I'm not pregnant it means I'm getting worse. I was feeling so much better too but then it just went downhill and I felt so good I started the process of enrolling in school and volunteering and trying for a baby (hubby has low count hence school and volunteering) and now I might have to back out of all of it. My pain is really bad, not the worst I've ever felt but double my normal chronic pain. It really hurts. I don't know if anyone will read this I just needed to say it so if you read this thank you. Maybe I'm not alone.