Break the silence!!

I'm 8 days pp & had an uncomplicated but very stressful delivery. I was only in labor for 8 hours & was discharged after 24 so there was not much time to wrap my head around everything before heading home with a whole new set of fears, worries, & concerns. I have a history of anxiety, depression, & Ocd. I was taking Welbutrin or Celexa (different one at different points throughout my pregnancy) I had a panic attack while in labor & have been having tremendous anxiety since. We came home from the hospital Thursday & Saturday I had a very long anxiety attack. As my attack subsided I passed out. Thankfully my husband was holding me & I didn't fall or wasn't holding our newborn. We have a 2 year old & 7 year old, thankfully the older one wasn't home at the time to see it all. My husband has never fully understood my anxiety, being that it something he can't see other than my mood & the attacks. As bad as this whole episode scared him I truly open ed his eyes to just how real my anxiety is. Our breastfeed infant was waking up hungry as I was passed out & I was out for almost 15 minutes, I came to just as he was calling 911 because my breathing was very shallow. As traumatic as all of this was for him, it allowed us to grow in our relationship in a way that we needed very much. He is my rock & I wouldn't know what to do without him. My mother & step mother have been here helping with my older two since hubby had to return to work. I cried insistently the night before he returned to work but am glad to still have some one here for support. All of these events have opened up a new line of communication that I've never had before (atleast not to this extent). I am posting this not only to share my experience but to also encourage any other moms to tell someone how you are feeling, keeping it to yourself is your own worst enemy. I have been taking clonazepam daily to cope & feel guilty about that as well since I am nursing. Everything considered I still feel really down & like I am failing my older children not being able to care for them (very little, if at all) & worry that I am starting all over again failing another child. I have contacted my ob to get an appointment sooner than my 6 week pp visit to hopefully get things under control.

Peace, luck, & love to you all!