As a child growing up, I was molested and abused until my 10th year of high school. Having some form of control over my body is very important to me because of what happened to me as a child/teen.

My now ex and I dates for 3 years and we have a 5 month old baby girl together. Less than a year ago, I had caught him trying to put his dick inside me while I was asleep. I asked him why and he claimed he was asleep. We talked about it again and I got him to understand that I didn't appreciate it and would rather him not do that to me when I'm not able to consent. He apologized and said okay. Sadly, I caught him fingering, fondling and touching me in places I don't like to be touched at. This happened when our daughter was 3 months old and 4 months old.

I felt disrespected and heartbroken. I had told him I felt uneasy, I had told him I didn't want him doing things to me in my sleep, I had asked him to respect my body...he did none of that. I moved out and went back to my mom's house and broke up with him. Under unfavorable circumstances, I ended up having to move back in with him.

I'm finding myself slowly forgiving him. I'm not sure if this is unhealthy? Im not even sure if I love the guy but I can't keep myself from him. Is that love? Am I an idiot for forgiving him despite my strong emotions towards him touching me. Am I not being true to myself? Am I that messed up in the head that I can't break free from the mental scars and will just settle even if I lose control over my body. Im confused.

I understand that a lot of women are into that but I'm not.