I filed for custody recently... Please help...

Mrs
Has anyone filed for physical custody of their child? 
If so... 
How did you serve the absentee parent with the summons?
I am very nervous, & all I want is to protect my child's future living situation, God forbid I pass away before she is an adult. 
I know what the judge suggests, I am wondering if anyone has another way, so I can avoid blindsiding him... 
***UPDATE***
I won custody!!!