I lost my little rainbow baby on Sunday at 15 wks 3 days. The due date was supposed to be on December 16th, 2016 I had my next appointment on Monday but I didn't make it :( I thought we were out of the danger times, reaching 2nd semester with success.

On Friday night I had a mild headache followed by some cramps. Since my pregancy had been completely calm and wonderful with no morning sickness, I quickly noted and called my doctor of my pain. She said it was normal and that unless there was bleeding, that I was fine. I drank a lot of water and laid on my left side.

The next day after dinner, my SO amd I went to bed early. I got up to pee and this sac slid out and got stuck in between my thighs. No pain, no blood, no warning. My heart sank.... I already knew this wasn't good but I kept hoping it was all just some silly goof up or just a scare. My water broke. I went to the ER where I gave birth even though the heartbeat was really low and the doctor said the baby wouldn't make it.

It was very scary going into labor not knowing what was happening or what to expect. It took us by surprise as I hadn't even made a birth plan with my actual OB.

My SO and I wanted a little boy and that's what he ended up being! The joy overtook my sadness even if for just a fragment in time. My SO was always so sure it was a boy and he was right. It was a really difficult way to find out the gender. I got to hold him, so little and peaceful. He had his dad's nose. He had all toes and fingers. I am so heartbroken and there's nothing that can take this pain away.

I just need some words of encouragement and keep our baby boy that we named

Ivan Xavier in your hearts and send positive thoughts, vibes and prayers his way. I was told I went into labor due to an incompetent cervix. Had the doctor seen me 2 weeks earlier, it could had been prevented. That's what upsets me the most. I could had kept feeling my baby tickling me inside instead of this huge void in my heart and body.

I would want to try again as soon as the doc gives the okay, but my SO is so devastated that he says that it won't be for a really long time. Instead he wants to get some puppies. Bless him for trying, but that's not really going to help me.

I am 27 years old, and with 2 losses, I'm starting to feel less human, less woman. I'm so scared that my SO will leave me. I am really insecure and vulnerable. I wouldn't ever wish this upon anyone.

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