Miscarriage at 11wks 3days
"Sorry for your loss."
"Sorry to hear that."
"Oh wow. I'm sorry."
"Hopefully you feel better"
All famous sayings I have been hearing the last day or so. And I expect more to come when I return to work next wk.
I lost my baby just yesterday, July 6th. There is nothing anyone can say or do that hasn't experienced what I am experiencing now.
I am constantly reminded of the baby I don't have right now with the constant bleeding and cramping I am experiencing. I was just starting to develop my linea nigra and my bump was starting to appear. I was 11wks 3 days. Even heard the first heartbeat and got a ultrasound at 7wks.
Now the only ultrasound pictures I have taken at 7wks are s hurtful reminder of what I no longer have growing inside of me. I went on to delete all the pregnancy apps I had so they didn't become s constant reminder of what wasn't going to happen anytime soon anymore.
My bf keeps telling me, "we can try again soon baby once you stop bleeding." It doesn't matter. I was supposed to find out the sex of my baby next week, and didn't even have the opportunity to.
It all feels like a dream. "Was I even really pregnant?"
My mom tells me immediately that it's was due to stress. Paying all the bills, no car, court dates, moving, trying to find a bigger place to live, working full-time, going to school and constant yelling matches with my bf about getting a job were no help. Some emotional support she was. And she had 5 miscarriages a couple years ago.
I literally felt like I was just starting to adjust to all the symptoms of pregnancy that I had previously been complaining about. I felt like I was just starting to get ahold of being pregnant for the first time. I was in the works of leaving my job and changing my career so that I may become a stay-at-home mom. Now all that seems irrelevant now as I try to collect the pieces of what I have left to give in my life.
I pray my baby didn't suffer, and hope to see him one day again.
I hope to find peace too.
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