Hate this....

So I'm a stay at home mom. My husband works a job, he's an aviation mechanic and I couldn't be more proud of him. He only works 3 days out of the week and it's the weekends he works, but I'm home 100% out of the time I take care of the kids and that's it. I don't have friends, I don't have a hobby outside of the house. And I'm feeling really low about it. I feel worthless and it's not like he comes home and tells me how good dinner is or asks how I got the weird juice stain out of the carpet that the kids tried to hide by putting chips over it... no he doesn't notice those things and it's okay. He doesn't notice I fallow behind him and the kids all the time just cleaning up after them, he doesn't notice how long it actually takes to cook, clean do laundry take care of every little thing the kids need. He don't know I wake up at 6 am get coffee going work out take the big dogs out to there run clean there dog pens feed the birds and the goats take a shower then start breakfast before he even gets up to go to work or I let him and the kids sleep in during the week while I clean and take care of things. But I'm a bitch because I hate going to dirt track races. I hate how loud the cars are I hate sitting in the heat on stadium bleachers I hate the smell of gas I hate watching cars make a left turn for hours and I hate that he gets to enjoy the races and I'm dealing with one kid who needs to go potty another kid who's throwing candy at random kids and a baby crying because she's hungry and I just can't breastfeed in public not because I don't want to but the heat makes under booby sweat so it's like trying to grab a bar of soap in the shower. And the people, you can see them look and judge you as your 2 year old having a meltdown because her bother won't let her play with a matchbox car. The dirt, he has no idea that after a race the kids are completely covered in this film of dirt and pore clogging pollutants and i have to bath each one and how hard it really is to get everyone bathed clothed and in bed at 1 am because the races ended at 11 pm and we had to stop to get dinner... my husband gets to spend money on guns and ammo and hunting and fishing supplies he gets to go out every other week to go fish or hunt while I'm home with the kids. I'm lonely. I'm depressed. I feel like a hurment I feel like he's ashamed of me because my boobs look like a deflated balloons I have a mac truck tire around my waste in the form of body fat. There are dark black and I mean black circles under my eyes and when I am actually social with an adult I'm so awkward it's like I'm socially retarded! Someone new "beautiful weather today" me "yeah! and my youngest actually managed to shit on the cat from the couch. Have u ever had to wash a cat?" Idk if it's because I'm so excited to actually be talking to someone else that's not my husband, I'm really tired or I am in fact socially retarded... I don't think he understands how much I really give up to be a stay at home mom. And I don't understand why he can't just take the kids and let me stay home alone without the kids and I could actually watch something not on nick Jr. Take a long bath alone and drink a bottle of wine....