Failure is a minefield for many people. It's something we will all have struggle with at some point in our lives, and that impacts us greatly. It's one of the most common fears, and how you face (or avoid) that fear can have a lasting impact on your life. In my case, I chose not to let it hurt me, but only after a miserable period in my life.I am now a good, ambitious student, a healthy young woman, a person who faces their demons each day and wins. I care for and respect myself and others, and feel hope each day. What got me here wasn't success, but failure. 

Let me explain this paradox. When I was fifteen, my life was a wreck and so was I. Thanks to the economic downturn, our life had become severely limited and difficult. My mother was in a very dark place, as was I. We were separated from our friends, and had to manage on our own.I was a pathetic sight. I was unkempt and acne-ridden. I wasn't doing the things that had given me joy before: I wasn't creative, and I wasn't studying. I was sad and hopeless, and I disliked what I saw in the mirror every day. The bleak situation gave me no encouragement. I was afraid of failing myself and my family.

These feelings were understandable, but completely irrational. Hopelessness can get in the way of doing anything that might alleviate or remove yourself from that situation. Being frozen is the reason that are so many lost dreams, missed opportunities, and wasted lives, as it almost did in my case. I was scared of facing the world, of facing myself, and holding myself to a high standard because if it fell apart, I would disappoint my mother. I would give a reason for those who said that I wasn't well-adjusted to point and say "I told you so." I would have proved that was an unworthy fake. Every bad grade was a mark on my character, every refusal of one of my stories proof that I had no talent whatsoever. I was failing my life.

This isn't any way to live. This pattern made me and all those around me miserable. I had to take responsibility and change.

TIn order to do that, I had to do several things. I had to make a choice not to act that way, and then continue to make that choice from then on.But I did it. I woke up up every day at an early hour and meditated until my mind was clear. I cleared away all the clutter in the environment, physical and mental. I made the effort to be kind and gracious even when I didn't feel like it. And then I would sit down and do my work, with calm steady focus. Once I was done, I would sit down and work on the things that I loved, and work towards my goals.

After a week or two, the changes started became visible. I felt happier with myself and others, my face started to look better, I made those around me feel better. My grades improved, I worked on the things I loved more often. The world seemed to have become a better place.What did I learn because of this experience? I learned that fear of failure, fear of being hurt, any kind of fear, is not worth turning your back on your own potential and purpose. I learned that you can change your patterns if you dare. I learned a lesson that I think is best expressed by the words of Anais Nin:"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."We should all blossom, otherwise we never live.