Happy. Healthy. Loved my body. I was dating a guy I was so inlove with. We were long distance and it was hard but we made everything work 💕

2014: age 19-20

He had just cheated on me. I was in a deep state of depression at the time. I didn't eat because I was so depressed. I started thinking that maybe if I had been thinner and prettier, like her, that he wouldn't have done this to me... Counting calories became an obsession and so did the number on the scale. Food became more and more terrifying and my weight began to drop rapidly. And so did my self esteem. 

I was at least 85-90lbs. I was living off of water with fruit in it, and tea. If I ate I threw it up. I mostly ate liquids because I figured the water weight would be easier to get rid of... I was killing myself. And at that point I didn't even care. My anxiety and depression were so bad that I started skipping school. I eventual failed out. 

80lbs. I finally decided that I needed to stop. I was sick of hating myself. I went to my mom in tears (she hadn't even noticed my deterioration) and told her everything (which was EXTREMELY hard for me) and told her I wanted help. She was shocked and scared as any mother. We looked up a therapist, nutritionist, and called my doctor the next day. I was on my way to recovery 💕

Things were getting better 💕 I was slowly regaining my weight and confidence back. I started eating meals (this took me months and months of pain, and crying and relapse). I was so determined to fight this demon inside of me. Nothing could stop me. Of course I had my days (and I still do) where I just want to go back to my old ways and give up, but I had come so far. I wasn't stopping now.

My entire life is flipped around! I'm a healthy weight of 106lbs! I went back to school to persue my passion for makeup and skin care (esthetics). I graduated. I fucking graduated. I passed my licensing tests and I'm now an esthetician. I'm dating the most amazing guy on earth. A guy who challenges me, pushes me to be my best, supports me, and cares for me. I'm so happy with my life and everything in it. The bad thoughts come and go. And I mostly ignore them. My eating disorder is always something I will struggle with, but it definitely doesn't define me. 💕