Miserable, long post, sorry

I feel like such a horrible person. I'm so miserable... I had serious baby fever for over a year, I begged and begged my boyfriend to try, and he refused. About six months ago I decided to just let it go, it wasn't worth fighting over anymore. About 5 weeks ago I found out that we're expecting! This should be great news... this is my second (my daughter will be 3 in september) and his first, but he's been around since she was a month old. He's really good with her, not quite like a father to her, but he's a good male figure in her life and he loves her, she looks up to him. The first week of finding out I was pregnant this round he kept mentioning getting an abortion. I outright refused. I could personally never go thru with it. I was nervous and scared, mostly because it didn't seem like he wanted the baby. Things now are even more tense... I have my first ultrasound next week, and I want him to go. He couldn't show less interest if he tried. He's not nasty about the baby coming, but he's not excited either. And on top of it I don't think he fully understands what we're in for.. he also doesn't understand that my life changed the day I found out... I have been so sick. My blood pressure is thru the roof, and I've had horrible morning sickness day and night and cannot keep ANYTHING down. My back hurts and my boobs are on fire, and I'm tired. He refuses to help out with anything. He calls me lazy and makes fun of me for feeling like shit.. apparently I'm over exaggerating. Between him and the reactions from our family, I'm just not excited at all. I'm so stressed out and terrified of ending up a single mom to 2 children, I'm scared of his family (his mom and I don't get along at all.. I've never met more judgemental people in my life). And my God do I ever feel GUILTY. I feel so bad for this baby. I have no doubt that I love it and will care for it, and that things will work out, but I'm just so stressed out and not excited... pregnancy is hard on me physically

.. but now mentally it's taking a toll. It wasn't like this with my daughter, and I feel like my feelings about it aren't fair to the baby. Sorry for the long rant, I don't have a single person who I can express my thoughts and feelings too. It's just had me down in the dumps lately.