I tried to do natural childbirth

I was planning an all natural child birth. I exercised everyday and ate what i was suppose to. Avoided all sugar and caffeine. Did everything I could to strengthen my body and my mind. I prepared and read about 6 books on natural childbirth. I was going to have my baby at a birthing center inside of a hospital. This is what I wanted because my mother had complications so i wanted access to emergency care if necessary. They scheduled an induction at 41.5 for the off chance I would go over 40 weeks or beyond. I went into labor on the 5th, at about 4am. I hadn't had any sleep through the night. The baby was moving non stop. This was the day I was to be induced. I had back contractions all day (the only kind I ever felt). I went to start cervadil at 8pm at the hospital as I was dilated to a 1 after 18 hours of labor. I had my last meal at 10pm on the 5th and after 12 hours on the cervadil, i was dilated to a 4. My doula showed up shortly the morning of the 6th. She helped me breathe through the back labor. My contractions were about every 3 minutes. They would not let me have the pool as i had requested because they were going to do pitocin. They asked me if I wanted to pump and walk to induce and I said no because I was hungry and exhausted. They did let me get in the tub for 30 minutes which relaxed me and allowed me to dilate to a 6. They made me get out and said I was progressing normally now so they wouldn't do pitocin. I was happy about that. Contractions became more intense throughout the day. At 7 centimeters they allowed a student to try and break my water. I never felt so much pain in my life. Then another midwife took over. Both failed in this attempt. Later my midwife came and punctured the water. I labored for another 4 hours so it was midnight and I dilated .5 centimeter. I broke down in tears because it had been 44 hours of back labor and no sleep in three days and I couldn't have any food. I told my husband it was over and they gave me an epidural to get some rest and started pitocin. They checked me every 2 hours after the epidural, no progress. At 6am on Thursday the 7th, they said if there is no progress by 8 we need to be looking at a c section. I had already mentally prepared myself once they started the very first intervention two days earlier. I had sent my doula home after the epidural because at that point, she couldn't help me. They came in at 8 and I was still feeling the contractions. I knew nothing had changed. My uterus was overworked and my body couldn't go on. I couldn't go on. I asked for a c section at 8am. My son was born at 8:31 am Thursday July 7th. 9lbs 6oz. I lost a lot of blood from laboring so long and it took a full month to feel like i had some sort of rest. I was very depressed with my failure to have a natural labor and delivery. It still really bothers me. I had planned for lots of children. For I am just 22. But we will see. My husband thinks this was too hard on me. In the end, I didn't get the empowered feeling that I thought I would. I didn't get my baby placed on my chest. I didn't get delayed cord clamping. And I didn't have the strength to hold my son. I couldn't come for him when he cried. I felt like an absolute failure. But I can say I tried. I can also say there's no paying quite like back labor. I'm hoping for a be back next time but I'm not counting on it because failure to progress usually reoccurs. Just thought I'd share my story for those trying for natural childbirth. I think I could have done it on my own had I stayed home instead of having the hospital there. Sometimes I think I could have progressed completely if they'd let me have the pool like I wanted. But I was too tired exhausted and hungry to go through with it. And that's my story