Little Luca

This is minutes old Luca. This is a defeated mom whose birth plan crumbled as soon as labor started. In my mind I was going to conquer each contraction, I had snacks packed and music ready on my phone. I was going to use the birthing ball and squat to deliver my own baby. But then I actually experienced labor. I felt the unforgiving pain of every single contraction. I vomited violently as soon as I got to the hospital. The birthing ball hurt my hips and made me nauseous. I begged for pain relief after 11 hours of labor. The morphine helped my body to relax. And then my water broke and the contractions got even worse. I was screaming and crying and gripping the bed rail. I have never experienced raw panic like that. I begged for an epidural, but I was at an 8 and minutes later a 9. And then the urge to push happened. A switch flipped on in me. I laid on my back in stirrups and I told myself to push this baby out if it were the last thing I ever did. This 9 lb baby ripped a 2nd degree tear into me. I finally opened my eyes and saw him. I reached my arms out to hold him and the world stopped. My prize was here and the pain stopped. I brought my son into this world and I would do it all over again.