Hate ultrasounds

I hate vaginal ultrasounds ☹️ I had them twice before but the doctor had to force it inside me. Today was my cd1 and we went to see our new RE. She wanted an ultrasound first. We started doing it and I felt very uncomfortable, so the nurse stopped doing it. When we spoke with the Doctor she said since we don't have the ultrasound report she suggested doing iui only on next cycle. And asked me to practice with a kit that's available online. I felt very bad. If I had beared the pain I would have had iui. And each time I am scared of the ultrasound. Why is this happening to me 😭