Pregnancy

I just found out yesterday that I'm 5-weeks along in my totally unexpected pregnancy. I'm only 19. I have a loving and supporting boyfriend and family but I'm just not ready for this. My boyfriend and I decided we are going to terminate the pregnancy. This is such a hard decision for me because I'm a nanny and I have worked with children for as long as I can remember but I absolutely cannot have this child. There are so many things in my life that I haven't done yet and I'm not ready to give that up. But I'm not ready to be a killer either. I'm always going to know that I killed my first baby. If I ever have children in the future I'm always going to know there should've been another one first but I didn't give him/her the chance. I'm starting to think about its little face and how he/she will smile at me when they first open their eyes. I'm thinking about the name and watching him/her walking for the first time and saying "mommy" and all I can do is cry because I know I can't keep him/her. If I had to choose, I would choose to not be pregnant at all but I am and I hate this. I didn't want kids prior to getting pregnant but now that he/she is in me, how can just kill him/her? They're a part of me and I know I'm going to hate myself for a long time after I do this but I have to. We aren't ready for this baby. But I don't think I'm ready to kill him/her either. Please no hate :( this whole thing is already hard enough. any advice on emotional and mental stability after terminating a pregnancy would be so helpful. Thank you.

Glow Resources

Let’s Glow

Glow is here for you on your path to pregnancy

Glow helps you navigate your fertility journey with smart tools, personalized insights, and guidance from medical experts who understand what matters most.

25+ million

Users

4.8 stars

200k+ app ratings

20+

Medical advisors