A year and a half ago, I fell in love with an asshole. An abusive, jealous, controlling asshole. And I saw the first signs four days after meeting him. And then I saw them repeated every day for the next year up until he hit me. I even called him out in being abusive when he broke up with me for his ex five months in AND THEN got back together with him a month later because I "loved him."

 

It started four days in when he told me I was a selfish, shallow, stuck up bitch because I told him I wasn't a huge fan of Mexico and if we were going to go somewhere "low cost" I would prefer to go somewhere I hadn't been yet (Belize or a new Caribbean country). If we were going to take a trip, why did I have to pay to go somewhere I don't want to? Why not go somewhere new and exciting for both of us for the same price? I was a stuck up bitch. An immature brat who hadn't seen the good parts of Mexico! (And I didn't say this) Um, ya fucking asshole, last time I went, it was with my billionaire (yea, with a "B") ex and we rented a private villa on the beach that came with a full staff and every amenity I could ever want. I have seen the best of Mexico, and that's not my idea of a trip. I want to go somewhere where I actually get to experience the country. Not be holed up in some resort, boring! Give me adventure! That's MY style.

 

It continued with him jealously monitoring my every movement. "Where are you?" "Who are you with?" "There better not be any boys out with you." It progressed to "move in with me," at three months. He wanted to keep a closer eye on me. It finally ended (that time) with him telling me on a Thursday I was the love of his life, his future, his wife and on the following Saturday breaking up with me because I didn't do enough around the house....or that's what he told me, it was really so he could get back with his ex, the same one he lied about repeatedly during our relationship.

 

He went through my phone and iPad and computer constantly, and got mad at me for the emails he found. Guess what he was mad about? Emails I sent to previous boyfriends.....while I was dating those boyfriends. I was a "liar" because I hadn't openly told him the intimate details of my past relationships. I'm sorry, why is it your business I met my ex on tinder and why did I need to tell you that if you didn't ask? 

 

When we got back together, he regularly checked my devices without my permission or knowledge and when he discovered I was still in (plutonic) communication with an ex, it was, "I can't believe I let you touch me with your whore hands." And hard spanking during the sex he forced on me "for a release."

 

It continued on to shaming me for having a "sugar daddy"/"John" when he found out that while I was exclusively dating my billionaire ex, my ex paid my rent a couple months. Didn't matter it was just a boyfriend helping out his girlfriend, I was a slutty kept girlfriend. He found that out when he "hacked" into my apartment complex rent payment website and saw another name on my payment several months before I met him.

 

Ladies, abuse starts small. It starts with name calling or shame or guilt. It starts with "I only care who you're out with because I love you," and it ends like my relationship did. It ends with months of torture and emails and phone calls and texts to your friends trying to portray you as a sociopathic prosititite. It ends with protective orders and being afraid to leave your house.

  

Abusive behavior once is a bad mistake. Abusive behavior twice is scary.

Abusive behavior three times is the final reason your need to leave before it gets terrifying. 

 

Please, don't think a man is going to change. Familiarize yourself with what emotional/mental abuse is. Keep a list. And when it hits three, it's a pattern and RUN. 

 

People do make mistakes. Even the happiest marriage has instances of unintended abuse, but it should be the once in a million thing, if it's any more than that, run. Run fast and run far away.