Life of a Stepmom

I've never actually made my own post on here; always just comment on others' posts. But I needed to positive-vent real quick. I've written about my family before-- engaged to the loml, we have 2 kids, all around happy little family. The only thing is, I did not give birth to my kids. They are from a previous relationship of his. Their mother (who oddly enough used to be a friend-of-sorts of mine) has been MIA for the last 4.5 years doing drugs, sleeping with anyone, crying poor-me when she runs out of resources & needs $$, etc. She left when my daughter wasn't even a year old, and has been in and out of their lives ever since. This last go around, she went 2 years without seeing them, popped back up, and both kids were terrified when they saw her cuz of the way she looked. In the words of my 5 year old daughter, "her teeth were all broked and missing... I don't think I want to see her again." It's always been more of a struggle for my son just cuz he actually remembers her and remembers what she looked like and well, that's not her anymore. It's hard because their bio moms family is still in the kids lives, so it's a constant reminder of their mother. All that being said, I call them MY KIDS because that's what they are. IM the one who has raised them. IM the one who has been at every single football game, dance recital, gymnastics event, swim meet, lax game, parents day @ school, field trip, etc. IM the one who's wiped runny noses, poopy butts, pee pants, explosive throw up, gum in hair, bloody cuts & scrapes, etc. IM the one who's taught them to tie their shoes, brush their teeth, write their abc's, read, etc. From hiking, to beach trips, to camping... IM the one who did that. 

Years ago, when I thought about my future, NEVER did it include not being able to plan last minute trips with my SO, or not being able to go out on the weekends with my girls, and it definitely didn't include raising someone else's children. I'd be lying if I said it's always rainbows and butterflies. I've struggled with SOOO many things during these last few years. Going from being a heroin junky, to getting clean, to suddenly being (basically) a married, mother of two in a years time was a whirlwind. As I've seen others say, "a stepparent gets none of the credit & all of the blame." It's hard, it's a constant struggle to not "overstep your boundaries" with certain people, it's resulted in many nights of breaking down in tears. 

All that said, there is absolutely nothing in this world even slightly comparable to being called "mom". Never will I understand how some women take that for granted-- it's the most beautiful sound there is. Regardless of how my kids came to be mine, they are 110% mine. I've chosen to take on the role of being their mother cuz it's not their fault their bio mom is a dirtbag. I've told them both countless times that no matter what happens, no matter where life takes us, they will ALWAYS have me behind them. To cheer for them, to support them, to praise them when they do good and guide them when they do wrong. But most importantly-- to love them.

Prior to writing this, my big ol' 8 y/o son came in, cuddled up on my lap, and said "I love you." Moments like that are what remind me I'm doing a pretty good job. They're happy, they're healthy, they're smart, & they're respectful, (along with a million other things IMO😉). Maybe life didn't end up anywhere close to how I thought it would, but sometimes, it's because the way things turn out are more amazing then you ever could've dreamed they'd be.❤️