Duh pregnancy lol

I've had alot of symptoms point to possibly being pregnant, had sex the day of my period on the 8th unprotected. And on 2 or 3 of my fertile days in the 20s, my breast have never hurt this bad before. My ovaries burn like fuck my cramps are bad, doesn't after how much sleep I get I'm exhausted my head bangs, back killing me, I've been eating like an absolute cow, and I was nauseous for a few days now it only happens every once in a while, I have never felt sooo weird and been in so much oain, but I can't take a test yet because I can't get one. I have no time.. I'm literally falling asleep typing this...am I preg? From all the moms and or preg girls right now please help..