So I'm gonna be 40 in 10 days. I'm gonna be almost 34 weeks pregnant then. Today I'm 32+4 it's not my 1st so I know what I'm doing and what to expect it's my 5th. And my 5th boy. I'm just feeling very overwhelmed maybe a little down by everything. My life day to day is very chaotic and beats me down from time to time. I worry how a new baby is gonna change it more. I'm scared I haven't got all I need still. And now with Christmas fast approaching too. My whole life I always wanna make others smile and happy and never more so than now that I have the blessing of kids my boys I want them all to be happy and remember there growing up and appreciate how I did all I could for them. I'm also the same with my fella I go out n out to make them happy get all they want that's with past n present but in past got treated crap and abused despite doing all I could. Don't get me wrong my fiance and I do have bad bad fights he can say n be so nasty but can be so sweet and so so loving. And bedroom wow 6 years on n he know just how to make my legs go weak. I just feel like I've lost myself some how. Like other wanna treat myself right now with me soon being 40 and being so pregnant i wanna get my hair done colored bavk to blonde n brown my nails done eyebrows done n tinted n feel good about myself but I know I won't I'd rather just plod along. Guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself hey. Hate how little friends I have too at my age that actually bother. If something happened tomorrow I do fear for my children as they will be split my older 2 will be dragged off by their dad these 2 soon to be 3 will stay with my fiance. If something happened to him as well I really dunno what will happen then as my parents couldn't cope with my little ones as they are too much for them. My friends just drifted off I mean I know if I went through bad patch if I called they'd be here but why not now just once a month or what ever. Put bets that I only get a card of my parents my kids and partner on my 40th my special bday.......