I really feel like giving up..

Hello, my name is Taylor. Im 20 and a ftm. My son is my pride and joy, & honestly probably the only thing holding me together. I feel crazy, I just wish i could stop caring about certain things. I have no one to talk to because everyone's answer is always 'just leave'. I have been inlove with the father of my child since i was 17, and at 19 had my first child with him. My son had a neonatal stroke, was born seizing, and had liver, kidney, and a severe amount of brain damage. It has been very had for me to cope with this, I love him to death and I never imagined him having to face these problems in life and it was a total shock when i was rushed into an emergency csection. Between that and the father of my child being an addict I dont know what to do. He is constantly leaving at night and coming home at 6-7 in the morning. I go nut, I cry til i hyperventilate. Like just now, he decides to leave at 3 in the morning.. I know I should just walk away but i swear it is the hardest thing to do. I think something is wrong with me, and I pray and pray for god to show me the way. Im still hanging on but Im slowly losing myself. Im sorry for this long post, but i needed to vent and facebook is just not the place considering my family hates for people to air their dirty laundry. Once again im sorry, i really just needed to type this and try to make myself fall asleep before i sit up all night alone with my son asleep just overthinking and crying.