I want to be a stay at home mom

Currently my husband and I both work. We both bring in the same amount of income and we do ok. I'm a lot better with money and I have a savings account but he actually just paid off his $18k debt in credit cards. I'm 14 weeks pregnant and I have communicated to him that I want to be a stay at home mom. He doesn't really seem to be on board with that. He says its a lot of pressure on him and that I should continue to work and take the baby to work with me (I would be able to do that since I'm a nanny) however I don't want to be watching someone else's children and my own also. We could definitely get by on his income alone but I think he feels it's not fair. I'm getting a little resentful of him not wanting to provide for us while I raise our kid and keep the house tidy. Am I being unreasonable? I've been hormonal so I'm not sure who's right in this situation. 
Edit- we had discussed me being a stay at home mom before getting married, we have been together 11 years. Also, he does not help out with housework so on top of me working, I will be in charge of housework and probably buying all things baby. He's a great husband and attentive to me but when he gets home from home he likes to just sit and watch tv. He doesn't have a physically demanding job. He works at an office. 
443 views • 1 upvote • 10 comments

COMMENT (10)

An

Posted at
This is honestly something that should have been discussed prior to marriage. You don't want him to be resentful towards you if he never had any idea this was your intention. If this was something that was never openly discussed then you may need to compromise. Maybe take 6 months off work rather than completely quit working. Having been the sole provider in my prior marriage, it is hard. We were fine financially, that wasn't the problem. But sometimes it does feel unfair. Sometimes I had irrational worries that if something happened to me, my husband and daughter wouldn't be OK. Don't get me wrong, I had excellent benefits, life insurance, etc. But did I want my whole life to be the sole provider? No. I was in a horrible accident and on disability for almost 3 months. I realized the, life insurance would have only held them over for a few years, my husband had been out of the work force for 7 years. It wouldn't be easy for him to just get a job after coping. You aren't being selfish. I wish everyday I could be a stay at home mom. Try to keep an open mind and put yourself in his position. What if he'd like to be a stay at home dad? You make about the same, so you'd be alright, right? How would you feel? Compromise is key.

💐

Posted at
You guys have to meet in the middle somehow. You are 14 weeks so you have some time to figure it out here are some options off the top of my head:1. Night nannying 2-3 times a week? 2. Try to live of off just his income for a few months, see if your idea is even doable. Put your income in savings while you live off of his. Like a trial run!3. Work part-time so you get to see your baby more and still bring in money4. Save up for a longgg maternity leave. If you can live off of just his income, then save until the baby comes. Save for 6 months, take off work for 6 months. Good luck!

Me

Posted at
Personally, if I had the option to work and take my baby with me, I would do it and just put the money into my savings account if it's not needed for bills. But I totally understand wanting to be able to focus on your baby and be able to keep up with housework. Maybe he'll be more accepting if you sit down with him and have a budget sheet- show him all the bills that need to be paid each month and how his income alone can cover it all. He may just be worried he can't do it and he doesn't want to fail you.  

Ad

Posted at
I feel like sometimes wife's have a harder time than husbands. We have to work, 40 hrs a week then come home take care of baby, cook, and clean, so we have two jobs. At work and at home. It's very hard, when you know you want to be with your newborn and not at work... :-(

De

Delores • Sep 16, 2016
My husband does just as much cooking, cleaning, and watching baby as I do. I think it depends on your marriage.

KR

Posted at
My one question is, does he help with house work? Like you both work, so does he also help with domestic labor?If not, then while yes that's pressure on him to continue making money, you'll be taking care of your baby and the house, which is just as stressful.I can completely understand not wanting to take your baby to your nanny job, because I too would want to focus on my own child and not make my employers think that theirs are now second priority.I think you two need to seriously sit down and work this out. Work out what a budget would look like with you at home with baby and you be in charge of the finances, since as you said, he's not good with them. (My BF and her husband do this, but he also tries to make decisions without her and ends up buying things that they can't afford; it's one of the things that's actually leading to their divorce. I'm not saying that's going to happen here, but their lack of communication is a factor)I agree with someone else who said that this should have been something you guys discussed before having children, but you can't change that now. I know my husband is stressed out about being the sole provider, but he also understands that me being home with our little alien and being in charge of the house, is what will work the best for us.So serious talk needs to happen. Good luck.

El

Posted at
I would give it time to sink in my husband was not on board at first either once baby was here going back and forth between work baby sitters an all that he caved in. I personally think it's alot easier you can have breakfest dinner and all that made things cleaned baby's taken care of don't got to worry about getting days off for doctors things like that plus bonding time

M

Posted at
Just because his job isnt physically demanding doesn't mean it's not exhausting. I get you are worried about housework and the baby but maybe now is a good time to discuss how things need to change and you need help. Maybe part time would be a good option?

Ms

Posted at
If I could work and take baby with me I would love to!My SO wants me to be a stay at home mom so I'm lucky enough to get to do that.But I think it's only fair that you look at his perspective as well.I'm sure he would love to stay home with the baby while you work.Why should you be the only one who gets to make this choice?You are a family and need to decide as a family what will be best for you.

La

Posted at
I was laid off a little over a year ago, right before my Toddler turned 1. I have been a stay at home mom since. I do work on Saturdays (since June) as a way for me to get out of the house and ease up finances slightly. I get a lot of mixed opinions. Some feel I am just a leech, others see that me not working is best for us at the moment due to cost of daycare/babysitting, insurance, etc. What people don't realize is the care that goes into being a stay at home mom. As a working mom, you work. On top of that, you then come home and clean the house, make the food, do the laundry, etc etc. To be honest, I don't know how I did it working full time and after c-section. My house is by no means perfect ( i do have a toddler), but it is clean. Point out to him the benefits of you staying home, even financially. Even if for a time. Let him know you could earn extra income by babysitting in your home (when up to it). It would be stressful taking your child to work with you (I did with my first... My ex and I owned a store), even if you are a nanny, as that is just extra work on top of a newborn. He is pry just worried about it not working out.Approach it maybe as a trial. Take, say, 3 months off and then reevaluate the situation on a quarterly basis. He may go for that more.