this is not a cry for attention I really do need help

I've convinced myself I'm deathly ill, or that I'm pregnant or something even though I've had three periods since the last time I ever had protected sex. I can't let anything go, my mind is literally a disaster. I can't enjoy life, and I'm having bad thoughts now about hurting myself. I just don't think things will ever get better. My quality of life sucks. I can't seem to go a day with a smile on my face, why even live? What was the point in creating me if I'm pointless and useless and an embarrassment to the human race. I feel alone. I feel like no one can relate to me. I give up 😞