Open Relationship!?!

Question

My husband of 3 years has been acting suspicious in the past few months.. I have no evidence of infidelity, but he asked me not only for a separation but to have an "open" relationship... my initial response was hurt and shock. But I can't deny we have been on a journey with a lot of pot holes and speed bumps.. I tried to pray about and reach out to older couples for guidance. Even purchased Christian marriage books to assist with the transition of being a young couple. So, I want try the open Relationship while we prepare to separate or flat out divorce no fault.

What would you ladies do?

Accepted Answer

Absolutely not. You don't get to have your cake and eat it too. My ex husband used a similar line on me before our divorce. "I want to be with you. But I want to mess around too" nope. Either you're with me or you're not. I'm not a second choice, I'm not going to sit around and wait for you to want to be with me while you screw anything that moves. Nope. I am worth more than that. Thank you, kindly. Goodbye.

Answer

Doing an open relationship to me is just going to lead to more hurt and anger. Seems like at this point just rip off the bandaid and separate. If you actually want to work on your marriage bringing in extra people isn't the way to go around it. Sex with others isn't going to fix a damaged marriage.

Answer

Honestly if you think he's pretty much ready to end the relationship I think that it's better to just end it than drag it out. If he was happy in your marriage he wouldn't want or need to seek attention from other women

Answer

For me, I wouldn't be able to handle an open relationship. I wouldn't be able to keep my cool knowing my man is taking another woman out and screwing around with her.

Answer

As a Christian I would never consider an open relationship. That's adultery plain and simple! If you're only doing it to try to salvage the relationship it is even more wrong. It will only cause problems and hard feelings. Honestly if he's one foot out the door already then a clean break is best.

Answer

I would give him the seperation and ask for time apart. Like a month or two. At the end go to a counselor and see if you are still on the same page after being apart and having time to think about each other requests.

You have to be honest with yourself, is an open marriage what you vowed to give your husband? Or are YOU and you alone what you vowed to give your husband? You deserve a man who loves and cherishes you as his wife and good thing. Not someone who wants other people in your marriage for his own personal gain.

I cant imagine how you feel, and im sorry you even have to deal with this. But dont cave on something this big if you really do not want to, life will go on without him if it really has too. Best if luck girlfriend, give us updates as they come!

Answer

That usually doesn't work for most people. You have to have complete trust or it won't work. Can you share your partner when they are not with you? Can you be with someone else when you're not with them? Could you possibly have a three way with them? Answer the obvious questions.

Answer

I couldn't do it. I'm a very jealous person. On the other hand, you'd know about the other people he was with. I'd lay some ground rules for the open relationship like you each have to meet the other person's person and you can't sleep with the people in your house/bed, it has to be at a motel or their place. I hope you find the answers that you are looking for. Good luck.

Answer

Once you set a new precedence (spell?) for what "faithful" means, you take down all of the walls so if you think that, if you have an agreement, that you will have control you are wrong because once the boundary is crossed, it is too easy to justify taking it further. I have met a few swinger couples and those in open relationships and they say they have rules but always seem to break them. I know one swinger couple had a rule where it had to happen only with both of them present and they both used the "we're swingers" line to justify cheating knowing it was against the rules. I know because the man tried to seduce me and i learned later that his wife tried to seduce my brother! So wierd!!! Anyway if you say no and he doesn't accept it, i would come the the conclusion that he has already mentally cheated and to me that would be all it takes to skip.

Answer

Yup, totally did and it was the best thing ever.  It's not something that should be done if you are thinking of ending the relationship.  Being open won't fix it.  There is a Polyamoury group on Facebook.  They are best with this sort of thing.  There is completely a difference between open and poly, so maybe ask which one he prefers?

Open Relationship!?!

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