how to deal with grief?

Question

Sorry if this is in the wrong place... really needing some advice. 
Something extremely tragic happened in my boyfriends side of the family related to suicide. I don't want to get into what exactly happened.

I have never lost a family member before so I don't know how to help him cope or what to do/say? I don't know how to make him feel better. The family member is not dead but it was an attempted suicide. He was extremely close to this person.

Any advice? I am so new to this.. thank you..

Answer

Make yourself available for him to vent, and be a shoulder to cry on. Don't make him open up about it, let him take it at his own pace. You're going to just have to be patient with him, and be understanding if he doesn't reciprocate the love you give him as much as usual. Lots of cuddles, or alone time if he needs it. Good luck!

Answer

Be honest and let him know you're not sure what to do in this situation, but you are there for whatever he needs. If he wants to talk about it, if he just want some space... just let him know that you want to support him and that you love him! Good luck with everything.

Answer

Thats totally understandable! But I would give him some space of that's what he needs. Give him room to absorb and work through some of the intial shock, and all its aftermath. If he continues to isolate after a few weeks. I wouldn't approach him about it as a "relationship talk" I would suggest just gently reiterating that you are there for him for what ever he needs. I know you don't what him to feel attacked and put him of the defensive. Just try and breathe through it for awhile. Take it day by day. If after significant period of time go by and you still feel like he is disconnected, then I think it would be appropriate to revisit his disappearing act.

Answer

As a person who has lost a family member to suicide...I agree with the above make yourself available to him but don't push. It's a very difficult time and a lot of people can't even verbalize how the feel due to conflicting emotions (anger, betrayal, guilt etc) If he wants to talk he will, but don't be surprised if he dosent. Be prepared for him to have some unexplained anger, and mood swings for the next few months. Also, he may isolate...or "check out" for a few weeks. So arm yourself with compassion and a huge amount of patience. Grief manifests itself it very different ways and varies wildly from person to person.

Answer

I ended up going to his house. We smoked some, cuddled, ate some food, and relaxed. It was nice. We cried a few times especially when I first got to his house and saw he had been crying. I'm taking off work tomorrow to be with him as he goes and gets stuff said family member would want him to have. Seeing his mom upset tore me apart even more..

Answer

Boyfriend is coming over tonight. We are going to go ride four wheelers for a few hours. I'm so scared to see him upset, I never have before. I've been emotionally a wreck all day long going from happy to sad to depressed to crying for thirty minutes uncontrollably. 
He's just as bad saying he feels like a hollow vessel and that his heart hurts I feel helpless.

Answer

His family member is brain dead. They're saying he's not going to make it another couple of days. I feel like I'm going to completely break down. I want to go curl up into a ball and sleep for a year or two.

Answer

He called me last night and we fell asleep on the phone together. I think everything will be okay...

how to deal with grief?

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