Miscarried baby's due date today

My first baby is a miscarriage. I miscarried my Kalani at 13 weeks. 
I feel like I'm caught in limbo now. I felt very much like a mother and loved that baby so dearly, and still do. But now I'm on this earth with no baby to hold and care for. That pregnancy was an accident. My husband and I are not financially stable enough to support a child right now. So I can't just get pregnant again. Which is killing me. Because I just want to be pregnant again. I just want to have a baby and hold them. I feel stuck. I can't go back to before I was pregnant. When I felt like I could wait to have a baby. And I can't just have a baby and fill this void. It's the worst feeling ever. 
My baby was due this week. I can't stop crying and feeling empty.