Fast forward to this guy I met like 2 or 3 months ago. We did meet through tinder but only because we had a ton of mutual friends and we were literally like hey how do you know this person and it's actually weird how we know everyone in each other's department but had never met. Any ways we started talking and hanging out and the first time we hung out was both of our first meteor shower ever. He had recently gone through a break up with someone he dated for about 5 years so he obviously wasn't/ isn't ready for anything. And I knew that. And I was okay with that. But he randomly went to a concert in a different city with me and my best friend so we spent the night and my friend fell asleep on the couch so we ended up sleeping in the bed together and we fooled around and eventually ended up having sex. Which I know is dumb and I knew I shouldn't have and I intitially said no because I knew he wasn't ready, but I have bad impulse control and so I was like fuck it let's do it. We talked constantly after that I knew he was having a hard time. Like that break up was super recent. Plus he did just graduate college and move to a new city and it was a lot of change all at one time. The next time we hung out we spent the entire day together. Just hanging out and we cuddled and yes we did end up having sex again. Like a lot of it. And even at one point when his roommate couldn't take a hint we drove around and ended up finding a field in the middle of no where and fooled around under the stars. And like long story slightly shorter I started falling pretty hard for this guy. Like the sex was always super intimate and felt super meaningful and it's like the only time I've ever organsimed with my eyes open because it was like such an emotional connection. And I went though something emotional at work and when I was telling home about it his response was That he did have plans this weekend but I can drop them if i needed him. And I said no. But eventually I was like yeah okay I may need someone and he replied that he didn't think it was a good idea because he couldn't be someone's rock right now. And I was fine with that but then earlier this week I was just like you know what I can't do this. And I severed that tie and told him that if he ever figured out his own feelings to seek me out. But like he's not even utilizing my friendship much because he's afraid of getting too close because he didn't know how much of his happiness depended on another person and he wants to figure out his own stuff before getting close to someone again. But because I don't know how to handle emotion and uncertainty I broke off the little thing we had completely. Although I had tried to do it previously and he said no he still wanted to talk to me. But I thought he was doing it because he didn't know how to deal with hurting someone's feelings. And idk. After I broke it off I haven't heard back from him at all which I half expected but I just don't know how to process it. I typically am very detached. And I have not been emotionally detached from this at all and I'm really upset that he was just okay with the fact  that I didn't want to talk to him and I don't know what's wrong with me. Why do I always give up on something when I start having feelings? Why am I so scared? I don't know what to do or think. I've never liked someone before as much as I like him and I like don't want him out of my life but I also can't emotionally handle being uncertain of his feelings for as long as it takes for him to figure them out.