UPDATE: No judgement please, very difficult question
I am writing this anonymously because I feel like this is going to receive a lot of criticism and I am already feeling overwhelmed.
Let me start out by saying I am married. Have been for 4 years. I love my husband so much. We have a great life together. We both have great careers, we travel abroad, we own a home and recreational vehicles for fun.
When my husband and I first got married we never wanted children. But of course life changes sometimes.
We decided about a year ago that we did want one baby.
We tried for a month and got pregnant on the second. I was shocked it happened so quick.
My husband is over the moon.
But I don't feel anything.
I don't feel excited or anything. I don't even register it as a human being. I don't know if I am still in shock or what.
My husband held my hand so tightly through the ultrasound and heartbeat grinning from ear to ear and that made me so happy because I love him. But I had no feelings either way when looking at the screen.
I feel so upset and scared that I've made a huge mistake. What's wrong with me? Why don't I care about this person I've created?
I feel broken.
I want to love it but I feel indifferent at this point.
When people ask if I want a boy or girl and I say "Oh it doesn't matter to me" that's truly how I feel. I don't care at all.
Please tell me I'm not alone. 😭😭
UPDATE: Thank you ladies so much for your kind words. It is nice to feel like I am not alone. I will take your advice and try not to stress. I'm sure the bonding will take place sooner down the road.