Feeling guilty

At my 17 weeks I was hit with a devastating news that has left me insensitive to the life my body is creating. I just found out that my 9 year old boy. My second child and a huge blessing in my life. Has cancer. This little guy is an Angel sent from my good Lord. I feel terribly bad and guilty for the things I felt and said about my little angel on the way. I immediately told my husband I didn't want to be pregnant anymore because I felt like I was going to loose my sweet boy and this one was sent for a replacement. I feel bad that I can't even be with my son when he gets his radiation treatment and he's going to need me. I stopped taking my prenatal and even eating well. I was feeling a significant resentment for this baby. And I am terribly sorry. This is not who I am and don't want to feel this way. My husband started to worry about my unborn because he noticed how I was feeling towards the baby. I just want my son to be well again. I want to be there for him when it gets hard. I don't want to be a limited support for him when he's hurting. 😭😭 I feel wrong for not being as happy as I was before.