Confused

What do you do when you love someone more than you care about your own happiness? When all they've done for you is hurt you, broken you? Yet you're still madly in love with them, want them & are carrying their child. Too afraid to do what you know is best which is to leave. Too afraid of being a single mother. Too afraid of being alone. What do you do when you lose sleep every night because you don't trust them because of what they've done in the past. What do you do when you know you deserve better but all you want is him? Pain has consumed me. I've tried to picture myself without him & I can't. He's changed but my mind won't let the past be the past because it's all so fresh to me. They say the same thing that will make you laugh will make you cry. My union with my Fiance is a testament to that.