This spring my husband and I prepared to foster. We were sure we were approved and got nothing but positive feed back. We built a nursery, our friends were beyond supportive, and we were told we would be approved in time for summer. (I'm a teacher, it was a big deal) May came around and out background check came through and due to something in my husband's past, our case was closed and we were labeled as unfit to foster. I was devastated but due to other things I had to emotionally deal with I sosnt fully grieve the loss and I shut the door to our nursery and didn't touch it. Beds made, clothes in drawers, everything.

We have since received medical attention to aid us in conceiving our own kids but it hasn't been successful as of yet. Today I went to a close friends gender reveal where they formally announced that its a bit and their nursery is themed the same as ours was. And all of my friends are excited and doing the same things for her they discussed for me. I am so excited for her, but I feel like our almost babies have been swept under the rug and no longer matter. To me, the only thing I know to compare this feeling to is a miscarriage. This was a child that we expected and will now never be, and the fact that they're doing the exact same things hurt in a way I didn't expect. I came home today and finally took apart our nursery. I am happy to be able to send decor to my friend and that someone will use it but I sobbed inconsolable while folding sheets and curtain, etc. I just feel like everyone was on board when it was fun and exciting, but now I'm left completely alone in this hurt and grief.

I think closing the chapter and taking the nursery apart will help, but my husband doesn't understand and i dont want to tell them because I want to be a part of this and not make things awkward for everyone else. I just needed to let the feelings out and this seemed like the safest place. Thank you if you read, I know God has this and I will only come out stronger. His plan is greater than mine every time.